Jomari, Pops split over money?

Two days ago, I read in Inquirer website that Jomari Yllana and Pops Fernandez have parted ways. No, it wasn’t because of a third party, a common reason of showbiz break-ups. Showbiz sources claim that the separation was because of M-O-N-E-Y.

Yesterday, Jomari Yllana confirmed the break-up and was published by Ricky Lo in his Philippine Star column. Yllana denies that it was about money, stating that the reason is because of “irreconcilable differences.”

Money problems among couples (whether married or not) are common. In the US, money is one of the top reasons marriages end up in divorce. It’s not really a mystery why this is so. We all come from different backgrounds, culture, biases. Most of the time, the money lessons we learn from childhood are the same lessons we apply in our married life. If you grew up in a family that lacked money, you may grow up trying to fill that emptiness by being a spendthrift. Or maybe you saw your parents struggle with money that you learned to be a miser.

But whatever your background or views are about money, it is important that you and your (soon-to-be) spouse are on the same financial page. My tips are lessons I’ve learned observing my parents, aunts/uncles, and married friends. Feel free to add to the list.

1. Come clean.
Before you even take the plunge and marry your true love, come clean with your financial mess. If you have credit cards, tell your fiance/e how much debt you have. If you are a shopaholic, let him know, as well. You should tell your partner as soon as he proposes to you or you propose to her. NEVER tell your partner the night before the wedding.

2. Agree on a budget.
Suze Orman recommends that couples should divide the household expenses based on equal percentages (and not equal amounts). In a two-income family, 99% of the time, one spouse outearns the other. How do you do this?

First, determine the net income you and your spouse makes. Then, list down all the monthly expenses. If the income of one spouse comprises 20% of total family income, then that spouse should shoulder 20% of the expenses. The other spouse, therefore, shoulders the 80% of the household bills because essentially, his income comprises 80% of the family income.

3. Decide on how to pay for household expenses.
For some couples, they prefer having their own separate savings accounts and another account for household expenses. The household expenses account is where the couple places money earmarked for household expenses.

You can also opt not to have a household expenses account and just be in charge of paying the expenses that you’re assigned to. This requires that you have done tip #2.

In my case, my husband gives me all the money for household expenses and I just pay for these. If you prefer this kind of arrangement, make sure your spouse is okay with the chore of paying and that s/he is responsible enough to make the payments. You don’t want to wake up one morning, realizing that your spouse has spent all the money on jewelry when it was earmarked for your mortgage, car payments, and credit card debt.

Personally, I took on the chore of paying the expenses because I pay the bills online via BPI Express Online and BDO.

4. Decide on your discretionary funds.
Most of the time, one is a spender and the other is a saver. Because of these family dynamics, friction arises because the saver can’t stand the spender wasting their money on unnecessary items. The spender, meanwhile, can’t stand the saver because s/he feels that s/he has the right to enjoy the money s/he earned.

To avoid this conflict, decide how much each one can spend in a month without prior consultation. If your wife wants to spend PhP2,000 a month for her regular spa, manicure and pedicure, are you okay with that? If husband wants to subscribe to his favorite comics, does he need to consult you?

Also, decide on the amount that should be discussed with your spouse before buying. Personally, I prefer that big-ticket items like a car, TV set, laptops, including renovations need to be discussed before buying. After all, you don’t want to arrive at home with a new set of home entertain system.

5. Relax.
Yes, learn to relax. At the end of the day, ask yourself if arguing with your spouse over money is worth it. If the purchase is quite reasonable, then maybe it’s better to just let it go. If the purchase didn’t make a dent in your emergency savings, then maybe you should just cool it.  Before you bite your spouse’s head off, breathe deeply and ask yourself if this is really more important than anything.